


Fiery Poops

by glitterybisexual



Series: Steter Against Humanity [2]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Drabble, Fluff, Lots of Poop, M/M, Peter hale - Freeform, Steter - Freeform, Teen Wolf, carolina reaper pepper, casual mentions of poop, fluffy af, just like casual poop, not like in a grossly detailed way though, poop, stiles stilinski - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-05
Updated: 2016-03-05
Packaged: 2018-05-24 20:45:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6166342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glitterybisexual/pseuds/glitterybisexual
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Amazon Prime can occasionally encourage really bad ideas that might land one on a toilet for one or more hours.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fiery Poops

**Author's Note:**

> Soooooo this is the second installment of my Steter Against Humanity series. They're both very short. I'm still trying to get back into writing, so again any feedback, criticism, comments are very much appreciated! Thank you c:

 

 

“I told you not to do it. I told you not to fucking do it, Stiles,” Peter says from outside the bathroom door. He might be laughing a little. Just a tad. On the inside, of course. 

“Peter! Shut up! I swear to God, my asshole is on literal fire right now!” Stiles kicks the bathroom door open, shouting, his face a burning red. Tears are streaming down his face and blood is dripping out of his nose. “Please, for the love of all that is holy, please get me some milk or something. My tongue is an inferno,” he pleads. Peter nods, and leaves Stiles to suffer on his porcelain throne. Walking into their kitchen, Peter glances at the small, seemingly harmless wrappers on the counter that have caused all this. Stiles, in a fit of Wikipedia research, came across a list of the hottest peppers in the world. At the top of that list is the Carolina Reaper Pepper, and after seeing it for sale on Amazon - Amazon Prime no less, which meant two day shipping! - Stiles simply had to try it. Peter had tried to talk him out of it. Honestly, he doesn't even know why he tried to change his mind - after nearly five years together, he of all people knew how god damn stubborn Stiles was. Which is one of the things he loves most about him. Usually. Most of the time. Except for when it leads to Stiles shooting actual fucking lava out of his ass in their _shared_ bathroom. 

Peter grabs the milk - doesn't bother with a cup, he's probably going to need the whole damn cartoon - and heads back to the bathroom, where low moans of pain are emanating. “Stiles? I have the milk.” The door opens, Stiles hand shoots out for the milk, and the door is slammed again in his face. Rude. But understandable, he supposes. No one likes explosively pooping in front of other people. 

“We are not having sex for at least a month. No, that’s a lie. We are not having sex for at least a year. Don’t even go near my ass. At least four and a half years. Actually, no more sex at all. We’re celibate,” Stiles groans from the bathroom. Peter simply rolls his eyes and walks over to get his book from the coffee table. He settles onto the ground outside the bathroom, content to get some reading done while he waits for the pepper to pass through Stiles system. 

“Whatever you say, dear,” Peter says. 

“Ugh, literally never call me dear again. Please. I am begging you. My asshole begs you.” 

——

Later that night Stiles digestive system has finally calmed enough for him to make his way out of the bathroom and into bed. Peter throws on pajama pants, and Stiles changes into a new pair of boxers to sleep in. They settle into their normal sleeping positions, with Peter curled around Stiles back. 

Peter mutters sleepily, “I just want to point out the amount of trust I am currently instilling in your ability to control your bowels right now. This is a true display of love.” Despite his words, he tightens his arms around Stiles chest. 

Stiles laughs, despite himself. “I am not too big on the idea of literally shitting the bed either, so. We’re in this together.”

_Yeah. We are._ Peter thinks of the engagement band that is currently hiding in his closet, smiles to himself, and promptly falls asleep. 

**Author's Note:**

> This is actually based off a true story. Some of my friends who live on my floor in my dorm thought it would be a good idea to buy the hottest pepper in the world - damn you Amazon Prime - and try it one Friday night. The result was of course, disastrous. There were approximately six 18-19 year old college boys running around my floor, cussing and screaming for milk. Tears were shed. Blood was spilled. One of them passed out and was sent to the hospital in an ambulance. But the worst, I hear, was when the pepper finally got to their bowels. Butts were destroyed. I do not advise consuming the hottest pepper in the world. The pictures and videos were pretty hysterical though.


End file.
